The Shield Maiden’s Call: Why I’m Finally Starting at 44
I woke up at 3:30 AM this morning. I was well-rested, but the first thing I did was check my YouTube Analytics. No views.
The familiar, stinging disappointment set in. The internal voice whispered, “Maybe you should just give up.” But this time, something felt different. Despite the silence on the screen, I felt a deep, grounded sense of commitment. I realized that I am finally ready to stick with something, even if the growth is agonizingly slow.
The “Bootcamp” Phase
Right now, my YouTube channel is in what I call the “bootcamp” phase. I’ve been struggling with my microphone settings, convinced that my budget gear is the reason I don’t sound like a professional podcaster. I’m learning to let go of that perfectionism.
My strategy doesn’t need to look like a million-view production yet. My strategy is simply to build stamina, overcome my fears, and lay the foundation for the coaching and shadow-work resources I want to share with you later.
An Intuitive Nudge
To find my footing, I turned to my Angels & Ancestors Oracle deck. The card I pulled was the Shield Maiden, bearing the message: “Make Plans and Focus.”
In Kyle Gray’s deck, the Shield Maiden represents fierce, feminine warrior energy. She doesn’t rush into battle blindly; she assesses the field and gets organized. What resonated most with me is the historical context: Shield Maidens didn’t fight in isolation. They locked shields together to create a “shield wall.”
That is exactly what I want to build here. I’m not just building a channel; I’m trying to create a safe space—a shield wall—for others who are terrified of being seen. If you have a dream but feel held back by shyness, a speech impediment, or the nagging feeling that you aren’t “articulate enough,” I want you to know: you aren’t alone.
My “True North Star”
I’ve felt a calling to become a life coach since 2012. For 14 years, I let feelings of inadequacy keep me living an unfulfilled life. At 44, I’ve decided that it is time to lean into that field.
My plan is to eventually curate resources—Shadow Work worksheets, Jungian-inspired exercises, and Tarot-assisted self-development tools. (A quick disclaimer: I am not a psychologist or a mental health practitioner; these resources are for self-development and personal exploration only.)
I’ll be using A.I. to help me structure my thoughts and keep my content concise. I have a tendency to be long-winded, so consider this a gift to both of us—a way to get straight to the heart of the matter.
Join the Journey
Taking this first step is super scary. Whether I’m posting audio-only videos or eventually stepping in front of the camera, the goal remains the same: to grow, to make new connections, and to do something meaningful.
If you are on the edge of hitting “record,” or if you have that nagging feeling that you need to put yourself out there but don’t know where to start, I’d love to be your accountability partner.
Let’s be brave together. Check the link in my bio to reach out, and let’s start this journey.
Are you currently in your own “bootcamp” phase? What is the one thing keeping you from sharing your voice with the world?
